I admit in all honesty that I am scared to my feet. I don’t feel motivated at all to actually carry my ass up and do something to actually succeed in this thing. I’m in need of a push. Of faith both in myself and in the Almighty. I admit that I lack both. I don’t know why, He has never let me down. But I let myself down all the time. I want control over my own time and over my own life. I feel down and uninspired. Maybe I lack the drive and the reason to really want it. Or maybe I just really don’t want it. I don’t know. I really don’t know.

you are a horse running alone

and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love